Atheists, and Prayers of Support
What do you say when everyone else is offering to pray for someone?
In my off-line life in the exceedingly (and pleasantly) secular United Kingdom this basically never comes up. It’s probably not just because we are secular - so you can’t assume that someone prays at all - but also because it’s unusual to share personal information, except amongst close friends.
However, online where I hang out with lots of lovely Americans, this come up far to often. A friend/acquaintaince will mention in a semi-private webspace that their loved one is sick. In response, nearly everyone posts one or two lines of encouragement and support. These lines invariably include the phrase *I’ll keep you in my prayers* or similar. What should an atheist contribute?
I think it would be disingenuous of me to say that I’ll pray for someone since I don’t pray, don’t think it accomplishes anything in particular, and people know this. On the other hand, *I’m thinking of you* somehow doesn’t quite seem appropriate. I’ve tried offering my best wishes, luck, and support at different times, but it always seems insufficient compared to everyone else’s deity invoking.
As a stereotypical English person, I can be socially awkward at the drop of a hat and if you can’t make a joke about it (preferably with understatement and irony) I’m often totally scuppered. I truly and genuinely care, and want to offer support but I always feel that language fails me at such moments, and that I end up getting it ever so slightly wrong. And of course,there’s often a very fine line between appropriate and offensive which I’m wary of crossing.
What should an atheist offer in lieu of prayers?
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Things a Good Liberal Should Never Admit To
Things that good liberal atheists should never admit to:
- any homophobic tendencies whatsoever
One of my younger brothers, who I am naturally very fond of, sort of came out a little while ago. And I say, sort of, because in true Gen Y fashion he actually changed his facebook profile to show that he was in a relationship with a guy, let’s call him James. This is not the biggest surprise ever, as for the last few months, James has been practically the only person that my brother has talked about - they go out to dinner together a lot, my brother stays at his house a lot, they’ve even been on holiday together twice. It’s pretty cute really.
This is the sort of announcement that I have been expecting for years, and I’m not even surprised that way that I discovered it. I expect to find out that one of my other brothers has a girlfriend in exactly the same way, and it’s also likely to be the way that my siblings find out about my next or subsequent boyfriends.
I like to think that I’m a liberal, and I’ve got no hangups about people, in abstract, being gay. I think of it mostly like being left-handed - a little quirk of someone that you know that may or may not have a big implication on their lives, but is nothing spectacular in and of itself. This is mostly abstract because off the top of my head I have only ever known well, three gay people (one man, two women) although I’m acquainted with maybe half a dozen more (all men).
Apparently, I have more of a problem when it’s my brother, because it squicks me out. *sigh*.
These are things that, as a liberal, you shouldn’t admit to, because they shouldn’t be true. I think that mostly, the thing that I have an issue with is actually the statement *my brother is gay*. It even feels really odd to write it down. I think/hope that that’s ok, because I also have an issue with the statement *my sister is straight*, that too feels a little gross and is equally true. I’m guessing and hoping that it’s ok and normal in the sense that people don’t like to think of close relatives actually having a sexual identity. I can live with that.
But at the back of my mind there’s a slight concern that maybe I’m not as liberal as I think I am. I’m not sure what to do about that. I want to be as liberal as I think I am. I’m proud of the progress that’s been made against all forms of unnecessary discrimination. I actually like to think that amongst people I know it’s mostly got to the stage where everyone knows that it’s not ok to be racist or homophobic and so they are ashamed of those opinions. This is, in my eyes, one step behind most people actually not being racist or homophobic (I think more progress has been made against racism in this respect).
In most of the abstract discussions I’ve had with people before, we’ve more or less come to the conclusion that it’s not really possible to stop being prejudiced, you can only learn to hide, and not act upon your wrong prejudices. I don’t want that to be true. I want to be cool and accepting and for this to be normal, and I think it nearly is. But nearly isn’t good enough for me.
I’m not sure what to do next, because liberals shouldn’t be admitting to any homophobia whatsoever. And I want to call myself a liberal.
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