Atheists, and Prayers of Support
What do you say when everyone else is offering to pray for someone?
In my off-line life in the exceedingly (and pleasantly) secular United Kingdom this basically never comes up. It’s probably not just because we are secular - so you can’t assume that someone prays at all - but also because it’s unusual to share personal information, except amongst close friends.
However, online where I hang out with lots of lovely Americans, this come up far to often. A friend/acquaintaince will mention in a semi-private webspace that their loved one is sick. In response, nearly everyone posts one or two lines of encouragement and support. These lines invariably include the phrase *I’ll keep you in my prayers* or similar. What should an atheist contribute?
I think it would be disingenuous of me to say that I’ll pray for someone since I don’t pray, don’t think it accomplishes anything in particular, and people know this. On the other hand, *I’m thinking of you* somehow doesn’t quite seem appropriate. I’ve tried offering my best wishes, luck, and support at different times, but it always seems insufficient compared to everyone else’s deity invoking.
As a stereotypical English person, I can be socially awkward at the drop of a hat and if you can’t make a joke about it (preferably with understatement and irony) I’m often totally scuppered. I truly and genuinely care, and want to offer support but I always feel that language fails me at such moments, and that I end up getting it ever so slightly wrong. And of course,there’s often a very fine line between appropriate and offensive which I’m wary of crossing.
What should an atheist offer in lieu of prayers?
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9 Responses to “Atheists, and Prayers of Support”
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Being from a heavily Catholic country, I’m exposed to this a lot. I usually just say something to the effect of, “I hope everything works out for you,” and, if it’s appropriate, “Let me know if I can be of any help.”
Usually people know me well enough not to ask me to pray for them.
Hmm, I think you and Ramon have pretty much covered it. It’s definitely not the time to make a “statement”, but there are other options.
I would add to your “Send them my love”, if appropriate.
You’re right to discuss this, because it’s good to be prepared and not end up flustered and saying the wrong thing.
Please tell the McCain/Palin Campaign (preferrably politely) why teaching creationism in our public schools around America is superstitious and is not in our nation’s best interests. These are the feelers McCain has out there, the way in which Americans can have a voice and be heard by his campaign:
Contact his campaign directly here:
http://www.johnmccain.com/Contact/
Or go to his blogs and leave a polite message about the subject matter wherever appropriate:
http://www.johnmccain.com/blog/
Remember, McCain does a lot of things right and is a great heroic war veteran who genuinely puts his country first, but Creationism is one key area where he is completely wrong and could potentially create a major setback for American students and businesses. We can’t let America fall behind foriegn countries in the departments of Science and Technology because of his superstitious beliefs.
Ask yourself what you would like to hear if you were in their situation, or what you would find supportive. Then say it.
The truth is that most people will accept any expression of concern, support and good wishes in the spirit in which it is offered, and if you feel your non-theistic sentiments sound ham-fisted and inadequate, that’s your feeling, not theirs. It doesn’t affect the quality of the support they perceive themselves to be getting from you.
Quantum_flux:
A) School curriculum is a state issue, not a federal issue. It’s entire irrelevant what the President thinks about creationism.
B) But that’s not important since neither McCain nor Palin are actually in favor of teaching creationism. See this article, a contemporary article from the Anchorage Daily News and make sure to read down several paragraphs. The following quote is the most relevant: “In an interview Thursday, Palin said she meant only to say that discussion of alternative views should be allowed to arise in Alaska classrooms: ‘I don’t think there should be a prohibition against debate if it comes up in class. It doesn’t have to be part of the curriculum.’ She added that, if elected, she would not push the state Board of Education to add such creation-based alternatives to the state’s required curriculum.” McCain has said to the Aspen Times: “I think Americans should be exposed to every point of view. I happen to believe in evolution. … I respect those who think the world was created in seven days. Should it be taught as a science class? Probably not.”
In other words, both of them favor teaching evolution in schools and do a bit of political waffling to pretend that they are okay with those people who want to teach creationism, so they advocate not explicitly banning it from the classroom.
You should vote Democrat, then it won’t be an issue.
The Democrats would have beaten any Republican candidate this year except John McCain. I am still astonished that the Republican Party nominated the man, given how much the right wing of the party hates him. Meanwhile the Democrats nominated a junior Senator with minimal national experience whose principal claim to fame is that he gave a really good speech four years ago. Because anti-Republican sentiment is so high (McCain would have crushed Obama were this 2004), it’s set up yet another close election. It’s really a quite astonishing turn of events.
I supported Kerry over Bush in ‘04 and was expecting to support a Democrat again this year, but the Republicans (for once) did everything right and the Democrats (as usual) blew it.
“Thoughts” are fine. Many people who believe in a god also believe that that god hears thoughts. But it could also work with cosmic energy or karma or whatever one happens to believe.
Or nothing. I think it’s understood when you’re in a group of people and they know you’re not from the same religion.
Well, I’m glad to see that I’m not the only person interested in this kind of etiquette. Recently, an atheist friend asked me to report to a discussion board that we belong to regarding his health problems and the tragic loss of a beloved pet. He requested that in lieu of prayers that he would appreciate best wishes and perhaps some show tunes to cheer him up.
I thought this was a reasonable request, just as someone might ask for donations to charity of the donor’s choosing in lieu of flowers, and in keeping with my friend’s sense of humor and atheist beliefs. Imagine my shock when a certain “Christian” member began a nasty tirade, verbally abusing me for making such a respectful and polite request, claiming that I was being “offensive” and “idiotic” and a “moron”, depriving them of their “right” to pray for whomever they wanted, whenever they wanted, whether it was welcome or not.
Another thread on the same DB requested prayers for a gravely ill child. As an atheist myself, I offered sincere wishes for a complete recovery, but I refrained from grandstanding or making any comments regarding my personal beliefs on prayer because I feel it would have been inappropriate and totally unsupportive to do so.