Funerals, Religion and the Not Religious
My 25 year old cousin died overseas a few weeks ago, and because (of course) things take longer to arrange when someone young dies in a foreign country we only had a the funeral last Friday.
The service itself was quite nice and was somewhat unusual for my family in that it all took place in the crematorium (rather than in a church) and was what one would describe as a modern service. There were a couple of poems, a slideshow of photos and tributes from his Facebook message board, a eulogy given by his mother and younger brother and a short address.
As these things go, it was perfectly ok. Later on as I was mingling at the post-funeral reception (?) I found out that the guy leading the service was a local free church minister whose sons had been to primary school with my cousins. And, that didn’t surprise me at all, because although my dad seemed to think it wasn’t very religious, it had several prayers, the coffin was brought in to the chapel to the words “I am the way, the truth and the light”, we all recited the Lord’s Prayer and the address was about God being a rock to those who are suffering. Short of a full requiem mass, I’m not sure how much more religious you could make it.
Which got me thinking. The minister who lead the service was pretty good. It was clear that he knew the family reasonably well, and he had made an effort to cater to their beliefs rather than adhering strictly to his own. Most of my extended family are quite religious - especially the older generation - and all (including me) were brought up going to church every week, so I bet lots of people in attendance wanted and appreciated the sentiment of the thing - God will comfort you in your grief, we hope to meet again in the after life.
Unsurprisingly it didn’t really appeal to me. My cousin was much loved and had obviously had a positive impact on people that he had come into contact with, that will be comfort enough for me without invoking the supernatural. But, what about my funeral?
I don’t really like the idea of some priest or minister putting words into my mouth that I haven’t held in life. I wouldn’t like God to be invoked as I think that God is not real. I don’t like things being involuntarily being blessed in Jesus’ name, and that includes me.
On the other hand, if it’s my funeral, I’ll be dead. Meaning that I don’t get a say for a reason. Funerals aren’t really about the dead who, let’s face it, are going to be just as dead if no funeral ever takes place. Funerals are about the living. If it would make my family more comfortable to give me a Christian burial, why should I complain?
For me personally, it’s complicated by the fact that my parents are my next of kin only because there isn’t anyone else better placed. We get on fine, but I’m just not that close to either of them. And they aren’t exactly on great speaking terms with each other. They’d be the ones deciding on a funeral, and my dad doesn’t know that I’m an atheist, and my mum and one of my brothers think that it’s a phase (the other brother is also an atheist).
Should a funeral be a reflection of the person that has died, or something to comfort the bereaved? And what if those two things collide rather than complement? How much say should you get in your own funeral?
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Interesting Investgating Atheism Website
Cambridge University Department of Divinity has an investigating atheism website. As befits an esteemed scholarly and academic institution, it seems to me to be impartial and unbiased (as far as these things are possible).
It covers atheist history, arguments for atheism, atheist views on morality, meaning, violence and science and has a particular focus on the ‘new atheism’ of Dawkins, Hitchens et al. If you check it out, let me know what you think.
Popularity: 59% [?]
atheism is not nihilistic but…
Atheism is not intrinsically nihilistic, but some atheists/agnostics can be.
One of the criticisms often levelled at atheists is that without a god hanging round, there’s no purpose to life. There are various responses to this, one is that we don’t need purpose in a pre-defined sense, another is that it leaves us free to find our own purpose. A third excellent reply, is that it doesn’t much matter whether or not it would be nicer for god to exist and for life to have intrinsic meaning, because that doesn’t alter reality. Which is that there’s no satisfactory evidence for god or gods.
Most atheists are happy to either self-define the meaning of their life, or live without it. But not all.
A friend of mine was telling me about her depression, and how difficult she finds her understanding of reality to be at her lowest moments. For her, as for me, there is no happy ending, no supernatural watching over us, just regular day to day life. She actually does find it depressing that there is no meaning to life.
Now, I guess that this is primarily a function of her depression, and that whatever world view she held wouldn’t provide enough comfort to lift her mood. Because I think that’s kind of how depression works.
There’s nothing I can really say to her. We all love her and she means a great deal to us. Despite her opinions to the contrary she is a vital, important, much needed and wanted person. And sometimes I tell her so (don’t know whether that’s a good idea or not).
The thing about being atheist is that it only means lacking belief in god(s). Nothing else. It’s not a religion, a set of beliefs, and doesn’t have any ethical position. I get the impression that most atheists are, like me, fundamentally happy with their non-belief. But we aren’t all the same - some of us find being an atheist challenging.
Sometimes it’s a pity that you can’t really do anything about belief, or lack of it.
Popularity: 51% [?]
